Week 11: Transitions in Marriage: Fidelity and Physical Intimacy

Oh sex, it seems like everyone is having except well…me and maybe every other single LDS member. It is something that is constantly thrown at our faces, daily. There is no escaping it. It is on our TVs, in our movies, in our music, on billboards, but the only problem is there is no one talking about openly. It is talked about when you are engaged or after you are married, but other than that, I have never heard of sex being talk about in an LDS home. Just like in when Brent Barlow spoke about his companion on his mission when asked “And what is the Mormon attitude towards sexuality?”, his companion answered, “Sir, we believe in it.” (Barlow, 1986, p.49) This is one of the things I cannot handle about LDS culture. Why is it so taboo to talk about sex? I mean really it is everywhere!

Maybe it is because I grew up as a non-member, or maybe it is because my family was pretty open about the subject after my cousin became pregnant at the age of 16, or maybe it is because I went to a public school for most of my life, all I know is that, while I was investigating the church, it was a topic that was only spoken about during the law of chastity conversation and that it is. Do not have sex until marriage. Yes I 100% agree with this and yes I abstain from sex as I know that it is for married couples only, and I know that is a very scared thing between a man and a women; but I think not talking about it is what makes not just our members but members of many church intimidated by it.

During not only this semester but also semesters in the past, I have learned that a great deal of divorces happen because of lack of communication and a lack of that communication happens in the bedroom. Just as Sean Brotherson writes about

“…, we may come to believe that the only kind of discussion about sexuality that is warranted is the dialogue about what Satan tempts us to do and what the Church teaches us not to do. Such a dialogue, however important, is not a recipe for fully understanding and creating sexual fulfillment as a married couple. Ignorance is the first enemy of sexual fulfillment in marriage. In an unpublished manuscript on sexual fulfillment in marriage, a friend of mine has written: “For some LDS couples, especially those where one or both struggle with negative feelings about sex, doctrinal permission feels needed to even discuss or study such things. It is okay to read about sex. It is okay to talk about sex.” (Brotherson, 2003, p.2)

I think that if we are able to talk more open about it and I am not saying go against the law of chastity or learn from pornographic resources; I am saying lets start talking more about when our children have questions or when as young adults we want to talk about the feelings that have come up while dating someone. It was not to long ago that my roommate came to me with questions because she was too embarrassed to speak to her mom or older sisters about the topic. Her questions came out of a place of wanting to learn and curiosity. I was able to answer her questions to the best of what knowledge I have.

I think that if we were to be more open about the subject of sex, then our youth today, would not be so curious to go looking for their answers in the dark depths of the internet, they would be more willing and open go ask their parents. Their parents would be more willing to answer their questions. There would be better understanding of how sacred it is and how important it is to marriage. This subject because it is in our faces every single day, should not be pushed back to hide in a corner only to be spoken about when you are engaged or after you are married. It should be spoken about throughout our lives so that we are able to handle questions, concerns and the everyday bombarding that happens.

Recourses

Brotherson, S.E. (2003). “Fulfilling the Sexual Stewardship in Marriage.” Meridian Magazine, www.meridianmagazine.com.

Barlow, B. A. “They Twain Shall Be One: Thoughts on intimacy in marriage,”: Thoughts on intimacy in marriage”, Ensign, Sept 1986, 49.

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